Balancing Action
“The forces that are in charge of maintaining balance usually end up being destructive because they are
completely opposed to your current way of being. When you build up excess of emotions towards a
particular thing in your life, nature moves quickly to remove that excess.”
-Shinohara, Ryuu. The Magic of Manifesting
When I am not painting, I can spend far too much time in my head. I believe self-reflection generally is a positive practice. In my case, it can become an opportunity for self-criticism, harsh judgment, and efforts to control outcomes that can not be controlled. It occurred to me I have been stuck using a situation in my life to kick my own ass for far too long. The emotions associated have become my excess. I put together a road trip to change my routine.
Fast forward to the last day of the trip driving home. I thought the idea of an overnight at the Inn on the River would be pleasant versus hotels along the Interstate. I was optimistic and convinced myself I could easily drive another 10 miles or so out of the way. What I didn’t plan on was holiday traffic slowing me to arrive in the dark.
Arriving at 10:45 pm was less than ideal to take advantage of the river views I anticipated. Annoyed and tired, I fell into bed mentally and physically spent. My worries and mental patterns of doubt felt heavy and locked in my body. Perceived conflicts and problems I packed with me beginning the trip were still with me. Fatigue amplified a feeling of being overwhelmed. My thinking and sense of balance was off. I said out loud to no one, give it up Wren. You have been holding on to this for too long. Just give it up.
Still tired the next morning, I hesitated opening the black-out blinds. I wanted to sneak up on the day. What I saw and experienced was not subtle! I was 100 feet from the river, the view I missed the night before was breathtaking in the light of day. As if on cue in a nature show, an eagle dove into the river directly in my view. In an indescribable state of consciousness, I experienced calm, a knowing that all was well. Immediately the heaviness from the night before was gone, I felt so light I think I was vibrating. I thought I could have been levitating. In my mind’s eye, I watched my worries fall away like a line of standing dominoes. I saw the dominoes fall. A rush of acceptance, forgiveness, and love was mine to have.
I tell myself to trust the process. I believe life is precious. I am paying attention. Miraculous moments appear when I least expect. Life is grand, isn’t it?