Attached or Connected?
While high as a kite during a recent therapeutic experience with Ketamine, I experienced the feeling of loving the people closest to me from a perspective of being connected versus being attached. While high, I understood clearly the distinction. I focused my attention on this theme exploring two states of consciousness, actually floating between two dimensions. During this session, I seemed to be able to clarify a way to love my people through connection. Now, weeks later I continue to appreciate this distinction.
In the space that ketamine produces, I remember my essence, my nature, and my innate goodness. I feel relaxed and expansive. There is no sense of time because everything seems to be in a space of nothingness. Concerns of the day (life) all dissolve. I see colors and symbols appear and disappear. I can’t really tell if I am listening to music from the ketamine playlist or if I have become the music. Either way, it doesn’t matter, it is a divine experience.
This time with the intuitive guidance from my coach GWW (Good Witch Wendy…my pet name for her) I floated from the ketamine place of consciousness to one where I was able to recognize my personality, my lifetime, my history, and my family. Maternal energy was revealed to me with symbols expanding to colors. Soon the colors crystallized into something similar to an umbilical cord connected to all the loved ones in my life, past and present. Simultaneously a single wavering note from a saxophone suggested a direction for me to follow. Visually the cord was tenuous and impregnable at the same time. I focused on each individual at the end of the cord. I was able to review the details of each relationship and in that moment, I understood its purpose.
In this space of timelessness, I felt the love from my mother, sisters, and from all women on earth. I began to cry. Love permeated my every cell and illuminated the pain in me known only to women. I wept. As I hallucinated, my children came to me and I poured my love into them. I howled with desperation wanting them to know and feel my love and the wisdom that comes with the experience of motherhood. Then the maternal energy was retracted and integrated into my whole being. I saw my adult children intact and unimpaired.
As the music changed, the cords once attached, liquefied to color. I saw myself connected to those closest to me through a swatch of golden light. I remembered the sanctity of being connected to a source greater than myself. I felt intact and unimpaired. I was connected.